Day #43 – The Vision Exercise: Define What You Want

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365 Ways to Start Over: Day #43 – The Vision Exercise: Define What You Want

People search for decades for what will make them happy – material goods, a spouse, a home, vacations, freedom, better health, etc. Usually they frame happiness in the caveat of “more.” If only I were a little more thin, more healthy, more rich, had more time, more friends, etc. “More” is not a qualifier for vision. You can’t ultimately end up in a fulfilling place if you cannot define that which fulfills you.

When you craft your vision make it the best, richest, juiciest, scariest vision you can imagine! Do NOT take into consideration what you perceive today to be possible. Only consider your perfect dream – your friends, your home, your family, your creative outlets, your relationships, your physical and spiritual well-being, the amount of money you are making, your investments, who is in your life, how you contribute to the world… This is a working document. You will add to this daily or weekly if you like. Your desires will become more vivid as you get “unstuck” and rid yourself of gremlins and limiting beliefs that are in the way. You will achieve a broader fulfillment as you continue to add detail. You will more sustain a path to your purpose as you define with specifics of what makes you happy. What did you do as a child that made you smile? What makes your heart sing? Remember a time when everything was in harmony – your mind, your body and your spirit – what were you doing?

Your “Vision” begins with a Vision Statement. The exercise to draft this statement will help to open doors of possibilities for you.

The Vision Exercise

To draft your Vision Statement begin in a very quiet place with no distractions. Listen to yourself breath. Feel the temperature of the room and your skin against your clothes as you relax into a comfortable position. Take a deep breath. Feel clean energy migrate into your body and extend to your arms and legs – fingers and toes. Your mind is empty and calm as you accept what it is to be at peace.

Now you are being encircled by a tranquil force that envelops you and moves you into another time and place. It is a serene journey where you feel safe and appreciated and protected. Your serenity begins to fill with exhilaration as you anticipate something wonderful is about to happen to you. You are breathing more deeply and your cheeks feel warm. Where you are going smells fresh and new. You begin to hear soft sounds of nature. There is a house before you that is beautiful. The house has a porch and you walk up to the porch and knock on the door. The door opens and standing before you is yourself 10 years from now. You are peaceful and happy. Now start to write things down. This is your ‘Vision Statement.’

What is going on in that house? Who else is there? What does the house look like? What and who is in the yard? What papers and books are around? What interest are you exploring? Write details, specifics. What colors do you see? What do you smell? Where do you go during the day? During the night? What are you doing? How are you serving? What do you taste? What do you feel? What do you hear? What are you feeling? What are you saying yes to? What are you saying no to? What have you made time for? What have you eliminated? What is the state of the people you are around?

This is where you are called to be. Study what you have written. Enhance it. Add to it every week. And watch it happen! Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Creating Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. Mary Lee is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked to the level of CEO. Mary Lee’s services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Life, Organization and Career Transition / Strategic Direction / Leadership / Time Management / Divorce / Productivity / Relationship Shift / Purpose. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #38 – Separate the Person from the Mistake

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365 Ways to Start Over: Day #38 – Separate the Person from the Mistake

Let’s start with a story. Elizabeth is a loving and kind person who has become guarded when it comes to love relationships. Her marriage was riddled with emotional neglect and hurt that left her feeling isolated and alone. She very much wants to be in a loving relationship but is conscious of the barrier she has built around her heart. She has dated several men since the divorce and has found that when she opened the tenderness of her heart, it was again singed with pain. As time has gone on she has noticed that she meets nice men but ultimately finds reasons why they are not right for her, leaving her feeling as if she will never find a fulfilling relationship – a terribly dismal place to exist.

Elizabeth’s story of a woman seeking love can be translated into many different scenarios: men seeking love; girls seeking friends, office mates seeking alignment from colleagues; neighbors seeking friendships; business people trying to sell a product. The problem boils down to the fact that we build barriers around our sensitivity in order to protect us from the pain of feeling abandoned. The problem with this is that we end up shutting off our valve of sensitivity to other people and aspects of our lives. Ultimately the more comfortable we become with pushing people away, the more we do it which takes us even farther away from our ultimate goal of finding intimacy, better friendships, better consensus from our colleagues, or more business.

If you are determined to open your heart or break down barriers of the past and you are skeptical about a new person in your life, be sure to evaluate whether you are dealing with a problem with the person or a mistake they have made. Make sure to separate the person from the mistake. Most people are coachable. If this is a personal relationship and they care about you they will want to hear your perspective and adjust their behavior to accommodate you. In this instance, don’t envision the mistake as a character flaw in the person (unless the mistake is egregious enough that it is part of their character). If they don’t care about you, they will not be compromising. In this instance the problem could be the person. Hear what they are saying and adjust your own behavior in a more fulfilling direction.

At work if you are having difficulty with a colleague and you demonstrate compassion to their needs and find that they are willing to work together for a common goal then to do so will fulfill you. The difficulty may have just been a misunderstanding or a mistake. If they demonstrate that they are not willing to work with you, then working with them may continue to be a challenge. The problem may be the person. Detach from them emotionally and do not expect to win their favor. Your goal is to work with them to meet both of your objectives. They don’t need to be your friend.

Early after Elizabeth’s divorce she may have been opening her heart too easily to people which is understandable since divorce leaves people feeling rejected and in need of affirmation. Then she built up a protective wall and is having difficulty trusting her feelings because she isn’t sure how to separate a man’s character from a mistake or a misunderstanding. Separate the person form the mistake. Ask yourself which is the issue. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #37 – The Boundaries Are Yours to Draw – What is One Thing You Can Do Today?

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Day #37 – The Boundaries Are Yours to Draw – What is One Thing You Can Do Today?

People fear three things in life – death, pain and abandonment. Most emotional pain comes from the fear of being alone. Anger, resentment, frustration, being let down, and hurt all come from the worry of having no one on whom you can rely and trust. In an extreme case you sense as if the people you love have forsaken you. You may believe you have few, if any options, and have no way out. This paralyzes you from taking action that moves you forward.

There is no wonder why you feel trapped by the despair of these feelings – because to undo them relies on someone other than yourself to remedy your pain. And that is completely outside of your influence – even more frustrating.

As loving people we give love and receive love with a childlike openness and vulnerability that often is not reciprocated on our terms. Then when we experience hurt or are let down by someone we often shut off our ability to love because the pain associated with the risk of having our heart injured is too great. This results in an overall numbness to all emotions – even joy. Not healthy.

How do you take back the control of you own inner peace? Establish boundaries on your terms and no one else’s. When you give of yourself, give for the joy of giving with no expectation of anything in return for that is what it is to have an open heart. If giving that way brings you positive emotions such as joy, fulfillment and happiness then continuing to do so will generally further these emotions. If you find that giving of yourself brings you negative emotions such as disappointment, sorrow, resentment, and despair then you need to define a self preserving boundary and change your own behavior – not wait for someone else to change theirs in order for you to feel happy. You might consider changing your availability to that person, have an honest discussion about your feelings with them, or offer your energy in another direction until you see things more clearly. Basically you are defining the scope of what is healthy and not healthy for you. Awaiting someone else to meet your needs is not the answer. Your behavior will tell them what they need to do to gain your respect. If they don’t want your respect, you’ll know that by their reaction.

When you feel trapped in the head trash of your own negative emotions and feel as if there is no way to escape them define one simple thing that YOU can do today that will take you one step closer to peace. Just one thing. You might call a friend, update your resume, get expert advice, research something online. Then tomorrow take one more active step in a similar direction. This way you will start to take back ownership of your own destiny and not feel as if the boundary of your happiness is outside of your control. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Fundraising Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #25 – Slide Down the Hall in Your Socks

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being happy, executive coaching, Feeling joy, have some fun, how to be happy, how to stop worrying, life coaching, life transition, Mary Lee Gannon, starting over again, starting over now, Stop worrying

365 Ways to Start Over: Day #25 – Slide Down the Hall in Your Socks

When is the last time you were so absolutely elated about something that you cranked up the radio as loud as you could and danced your heart out? When was the last time that you threw back your sun roof, rolled down all the windows, tossed in your favorite CD and cruised your favorite sites while singing like a rock star? When was the last time you were so revved up that you raced down your hall in your socks like you were master surfing a wild tube in Kawai?

Do it today. What are you waiting for? Five years from now the thing you are worried about will be a distant memory. But feelings of joy will not. There are people who cannot drive a car, hear music, sing, or swim who would love to have these feelings. Life is grand. Get going!

Get Mary Lee’s article Anxiety is Practicing Fear in Advance – Eliminate It!

Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Fundraising Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Overcoming Adversity is an Every Day Slice of Life

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back-to-school, life transition, Overcoming Adversity, starting over

More than 200,000 people lost their jobs last month (August 2009) and unemployment is up to 9.7%. Nearly seven million jobs have been lost since the recession began in December of 2007. Is it just me or are we getting immune to hearing this information because it is repeatedly negative? The shock factor has passed. It is very sad to say that job loss trends are now so common that we expect the trend to continue. I am grateful that I have work and thank God everyday for that blessing. I pray for my friends and colleagues who do not and all of the people in this country who, like me, worry if they will ever be able to retire, pay off school loans, or be able to savor the memories of a big family vacation again. But are job losses and the economy the only adversity going on in this country? Of course not.

Last week my four children started in four different schools – a “first” for all of us and a “last” in many ways too. My oldest daughter, Maria, is taking classes at Community College and living in the city with her grandparents for a semester of her senior year to save on tuition before she returns to Carnegie Mellon University in January. My second daughter, Brianna, is studying her junior year at Lorenzo de’Medici School in Florence, Italy and returning to Pitt next year. My youngest daughter, Adnrea, just started Carlow University as a freshman. And my son, Max, who I wanted to transfer to Central Catholic as a junior, dismissed my preference and returned to Fox Chapel High School.

What do kids know about dealing with adversity? Everything. For they live mostly for today. There is definitely something to be learned from that. While the U.S Bureau of Labor and Statistics was tallying data for the four weeks of August and the White House staff was holding their breath, kids were picking out back packs and cool jeans, parents were filling out emergency contact information cards, and schools were mailing homeroom assignments letters at the last minute so that parents wouldn’t have time to sit around the local swimming pool and complain about the teachers.

In my home, what may have seemed like a smooth end-of-summer back-to-school transition was more like a train wreck over a giant chasm of stress. Three kids are in college. (Needs no editorial comment.) Two children needed moved out of Oakland. (Where do you put all this stuff???) One was moving in with grandparents who don’t know that today’s college students don’t live by the house rules that I adhered to 28 years ago. (Not that this is a good thing.) One was preparing for international study, needed a passport, had to drive to Philly for a visa and was emotionally detaching so that the good-bye would not be as painful. One, who after the first night of having moved everything to Oakland for Orientation, needed rushed to the ER for an emergency appendectomy. And my 16-year-old (going on 26) son, well, let’s just say that if they have a college in Saskatchewan when he needs to go, I’m all for it.

This weekend I can peacefully say that “back-to-school” is now safely “back-AT-school.” I always dreaded the last two weeks of summer – crickets ushering in fall much too soon, once lustrous annuals and perennials now one month away from compost, garden herbs going to seed, and the anticipated frenzy of back-to-school activity. But wait! Kids don’t freak out about back-to-school. To them it means new clothes, a new backpack, new friends, new bus drivers, new teachers, new activities, soccer, football games, and reacquainting with old friends who went their separate ways for the last three months.

What can be learned here?

Everything. I’ve folded the seats of my minivan into the floor so many times over the last two weeks for moves that I’m considering applying for my next job at 1-800-Got-Junk? But in the nuances of those family moments when we dropped a mattress on the sidewalk, located a CD that had been missing for months, or texted back and forth about living with Grammie memories emerged – memories that bind families together in bonds that are the legacy of life. A giggle here and a sigh there – sharing life’s transitions with people we care about is the pulse of what makes us feel alive. It makes today unlike every other day. It makes overcoming adversity like a new backpack, a new school, a new pair of jeans and a new friend. It dices up and plates for you a new start. Pick up the fork and knife and try a slice. If you don’t like the flavor, that’s only how it tastes today. Tomorrow there will be something different on the plate. Share how it tastes with someone close to you. And listen quietly to the background music as you taste the opportunities for a future that is limitless. I hear crickets serenading us. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is a career advice, productivity and leadership expert who went from being a stay-at-home mother with four children to divorce, poverty and then on to become a newspaper reporter, trade association executive director, public relations consultant, and foundation president and CEO. View Mary Lee’s FREE career tips, worksheets and Blog on her website at www.startingovernow.com. Sign up for her FREE e-newsletter with tips and case histories at: http://www.startingovernow.com/Free_e-newsletter.html