be more effective, business coach, how to be charming, how to make her fall in love with you, how to make him fall in love with you, how to release your charm, lead others to follow you, life coach, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, starting over
365 Ways to Get Results: Release Your Charm – What Do You Radiate?
Think of the people with whom you are drawn to spend time. Think of the people you admire either in history or in present day. Think of the people you love. What qualities do they have that draw you to them? Is it that they are gracious, loving, courageous, effective, influential, and compassionate? Are they confident, considerate, optimistic, vibrant, fun, competent, self-disciplined?
Conversely, think about what others see when they think of you. Do you radiate an image analogous to those that you admire? Do you have those virtuous qualities that you admire in others? Or do you work hard at projecting that image when deep down authentically you have fears that keep you from being that which you admire.
All of the positive qualities that you regard in other people are motivated by their sincere desire to make a meaningful difference in the areas they value. This is what makes them endearing. You trust them because what they say and what they do are congruent. If you think you are one way and behave in a different way the dissonance can lead to a sense of unsettledness and lack of trust from others.
Thus if you don’t trust yourself to consistently behave in a manner that you admire and others don’t trust that either, you are probably radiating inconsistencies that have left you less effective than you want to be. Fulfillment and effectiveness come from a solid groundedness – a confidence that is unwavering and consistent. The magic of that allure will resonate in you and attract others with its appeal.
How to Release Your Charm
1. Observe you own behavior. Notice how others react to you. What is it that triggers a negative reaction from others? What do others do that triggers a negative reaction form you? When are you at your best and at your worst?
2. Disregard what you think of your own behavior, listen to others. Ask people you trust to give you feedback on how you behave in the areas you admire in others. If they won’t tell you directly, read their body language. Notice their dedication and loyalty. Are you not a good listener? Are you judgmental? Do you need to be right? Do you talk too much? Do you show these negative traits to some and not others?
3. Put People at Ease. Great leaders have the ability to put people at ease. Ronald Regan had this quality. John F. Kennedy had this quality. Mohatma Gandhi had this quality. You may not always agree with someone, but if they respect you for your sincere steadfastness and grace, you will win at least their ear and probably their loyalty.
4. Dispel your fears by facing them. In order to genuinely put people at ease you must identify and dispel whatever fear is in the way of your own consistent conduct. All bad behaviors stems from the root of fear. Know what your fears are. Know what triggers them.
5. Identify what others fear and show them they need not fear it in you. If you are dealing with someone who feels threatened by you, show them that you have their back. If you are in love with someone who feels rejected by something you are doing, would you behave defensively if you realized all they needed was simple reassurance? Think of how simple life would be if you could eliminate conflict with charm.
The greatest pathway to effectiveness is noticing your own blind spots. People tend to rate their own sensitivity, skills and traits higher than they actually are. There is a fine line between logic and emotion. Emotion is what motivates action. It will beat logic every time. Keep your emotion in check by understanding your triggers, fears, the fears of others and prioritizing your own ability to set people at ease. Then logic will follow and so will others. Start now!
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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. With more than 16 years of experience as a CEO of organizations with up to $26 million in assets, Mary Lee consults with businesses on strategy. She is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal urnaround came as a stay-at-home mother with four children under seven-years-old who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where she earned success to support her family. Services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Strategic Planning / Board Development / Healthcare / Public Relations / Goal Setting / Meeting Facilitation / Training / Leadership / Time Management / Life/Career Transition. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.