Day #63: Visit Your Default Future

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anxiety, anxiousness, don't be afraid, don't be afraid, executive coach, executive coaching, Getting over fear, getting unstuck, how to get over fear, I can't stand being afraid any more, I'm stuck, life coach, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh

365 Ways to Get Results: Day #36 – Visit Your Default Future

What do you worry about? You know the picture. It has been running over and over in your mind since you started to worry about it. The detail is so vivid that at times it takes your breath away. Anxiety over it wakes you up at night. You perseverate on it in your mind or with your friends. Your heart races and you lose your breath when the threat of it is imminent.

So let’s bring this negative image into even clearer focus.

Put yourself right in the middle of the picture. Step into the storm. Use vibrant language to describe the scene. Experience the surroundings – not looking at yourself but facing the scene from behind your own eyes. What do you see? What does it smell like to be in this place? What does it feel like? Who is there? What do you taste? What sounds do you hear?

When you tangibly describe and allow yourself to undergo the worst case scenario of your fears, you will be more motivated to change what you can to eliminate the anxiety over it.

Embrace the experience of what it is like to be in the depths of your biggest worry. Sit with the pain of it for a moment. Allow it to penetrate your skin to your soul. Live the experience. Breathe it in. Exhale the dissatisfaction, hurt and disappointment.

What values do you have that you can apply to make a change in your behavior? What do you remember about yourself that can make a difference here?

Truly encompassing an imaginary experience of your biggest fear desensitizes you from it. We fear what we don’t know. We handle what we do know.

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. With more than 16 years of experience as a CEO of organizations with up to $26 million in assets, Mary Lee consults with businesses on strategy. She is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal urnaround came as a stay-at-home mother with four children under seven-years-old who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where she earned success to support her family. Services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Strategic Planning / Board Development / Healthcare / Public Relations / Goal Setting / Meeting Facilitation / Training / Leadership / Time Management / Life/Career Transition. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #37 – The Boundaries Are Yours to Draw – What is One Thing You Can Do Today?

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better boundaries, business coaching, executive coaching, getting unstuck, how to overcome emotional pain, life coach, life transition, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, starting over, starting over after divorce, starting over again, starting over expert, work/life balance

Day #37 – The Boundaries Are Yours to Draw – What is One Thing You Can Do Today?

People fear three things in life – death, pain and abandonment. Most emotional pain comes from the fear of being alone. Anger, resentment, frustration, being let down, and hurt all come from the worry of having no one on whom you can rely and trust. In an extreme case you sense as if the people you love have forsaken you. You may believe you have few, if any options, and have no way out. This paralyzes you from taking action that moves you forward.

There is no wonder why you feel trapped by the despair of these feelings – because to undo them relies on someone other than yourself to remedy your pain. And that is completely outside of your influence – even more frustrating.

As loving people we give love and receive love with a childlike openness and vulnerability that often is not reciprocated on our terms. Then when we experience hurt or are let down by someone we often shut off our ability to love because the pain associated with the risk of having our heart injured is too great. This results in an overall numbness to all emotions – even joy. Not healthy.

How do you take back the control of you own inner peace? Establish boundaries on your terms and no one else’s. When you give of yourself, give for the joy of giving with no expectation of anything in return for that is what it is to have an open heart. If giving that way brings you positive emotions such as joy, fulfillment and happiness then continuing to do so will generally further these emotions. If you find that giving of yourself brings you negative emotions such as disappointment, sorrow, resentment, and despair then you need to define a self preserving boundary and change your own behavior – not wait for someone else to change theirs in order for you to feel happy. You might consider changing your availability to that person, have an honest discussion about your feelings with them, or offer your energy in another direction until you see things more clearly. Basically you are defining the scope of what is healthy and not healthy for you. Awaiting someone else to meet your needs is not the answer. Your behavior will tell them what they need to do to gain your respect. If they don’t want your respect, you’ll know that by their reaction.

When you feel trapped in the head trash of your own negative emotions and feel as if there is no way to escape them define one simple thing that YOU can do today that will take you one step closer to peace. Just one thing. You might call a friend, update your resume, get expert advice, research something online. Then tomorrow take one more active step in a similar direction. This way you will start to take back ownership of your own destiny and not feel as if the boundary of your happiness is outside of your control. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Fundraising Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #30 – Seven Questions to “Reboot Your Life”

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365 Ways to Start Over: Day #30 – Seven Questions to “Reboot Your Life”

Find a few quiet moments and sit down with a fresh piece of paper and a pencil. The answers you are about to generate are so revealing you won’t want to scribble them on scrap paper or pencil them in between other notes you are taking. Make sure there are no distractions around you visual or auditory – just pleasant inspirational things to look at or listen to. The answers to these questions may have many parts so have extra paper near by.

Reboot Your Life Questions:

1. Now what is the one wildly out of reach aspiration you would do if you knew you could not fail?

2. What do you keep telling yourself is the reason you can’t do that?

3. What are you doing instead?

4. What has this mindset and the behaviors associated with it cost you?

5. How would the results be different if you reached your aspiration?

6. What would you be doing differently in this fulfilled state?

7. When you are in this totally rewarded and satisfied place where everything in your life is in unison and energy flows effortlessly through you as you live your life purpose every day – what empowering thought is going through your mind?

The secret to Rebooting Your Life” is simple. Replace #2 with #7. Here’s how you are going to do that.

Reboot Your Life Plan:

1. Write the statement from #7 in bright colorful letters on index cards or paper (I call these – Reboot Reminders) and tape them everywhere you spend time: the rim of your computer screen, bathroom mirror, refrigerator, dresser mirror, desk, in your car.

2. When the limiting head trash of #2 comes flooding back into your mind, erase it and replace it with #7. Go to tone of the Reboot Reminders that you posted and write down something differently you have done to reboot your head trash toward life purpose and date it. These dates and notes will remind you that you CAN make change – sustainable change. You already have! Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Fundraising Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.