#61: Slay the Stress Dragon in the Moment

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business coaching, executive coaching, how to eliminate stress, letting go of stress, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, slay the stress dragon, stress in the workplace, stress management, the effects of stress

365 Ways to Get Results: #61 Slay the Stress Dragon in the Moment

You worry. You feel guilt. You blame. You agonize. You complain. All of these emotions conjure up stress regarding things you cannot control. But you know this. Yet you still stress over them. And worse yet, you lash out, withdraw or behave in a way that does not move you closer to your goals, costing you respect, relationships and peace.

Stress is the emotional and physical way we respond to pressure. It’s the body’s way of reacting to a challenge and preparing to meet a confrontation. It’s the mind’s way of saying, “Hey, I have space in my head that I could devote to productive behavior but I’d rather allow worry to take up squatter rights instead.”

Why do we do this? Because it’s habit and familiar – because making a lightning-fast judgment about something whether it is rational or not is easier than doing something we are not comfortable doing – creating a new habit.

At a minimum, stress can be caused by perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, emotion, life orientation, values, societal pressure, psychiatric health, and a variety of facets of culture. Stress costs people their health, happiness, and their productivity. It costs organizations clarity of vision, focus on high performance and a sustainable culture in the face of change.

Certain tactics are effective at relieving stress like exercise, activities and other distractions. But addressing the trigger of the stress head on in a rational, not judgmentally irrational way will best equip you to eliminate it.

Slay the Stress Dragon in the Moment

1. Write down the statement that plays over and over like a broken record in your head in your most judgmental voice. ‘Should’ statements are encouraged. “I should be in a better job.” “She should be more supportive.” “I should be happier.” “I shouldn’t be treated this way.” “I should not be where I am.” “They should value my performance more.”

Judgment statement: ____________________________________________________

2. Write words that describe how you “feel” about statement #1. “Hopeless,” “alone,” “angry,” “fearful,” “disappointed,” “depressed,” “frustrated.”

Makes me feel: ___________________________________________________

3. Write words that describe how you “behave” when you feel that way. “Cry,” “Listless,” “irrational,” “short tempered,” “withdrawn.” (Of course behaving this way brings on more stress.)

Then I behave: ____________________________________________________

4. Reverse the statement in #1 (“should” to “shouldn’t” or shouldn’t” to “should”). Precede it with “At this moment…” and follow it with a “because…” statement.

Reverse Statement: At this moment, _____________________________
because ____________________________________

5. Write words that describe how you “feel” about statement in #4. “Open,” “content,” “relieved,” “alive,” “compromising.”

Makes me feel: ___________________________________________________

6. Write words that describe how you “behave” when you feel this way. “Be nicer,” “be patient with myself and others,” “pause and respond instead of react,” “show love.”

Now I can: ____________________________________________________

7. How will you remember to ask yourself reverse “At this moment – because” statements?

It is difficult in the heat of a contemptuous moment or after a prolonged period of stressful perseveration to catch yourself and execute an exercise that will deliver peace and contentment. At that point a lightning storm is sending every available emotion in your head to the bunkers to take cover. So I tell my clients to place some sort of a reminder either on their desk, in their car, in their kitchen or somewhere they frequent to remind them that in order to hear sweet music in their heads, they need to be able to take out the broken message and put in a new one. That reminder could be on a Post-it note. It could be an image of a broken CD. It could be something from your past that signifies wisdom. One of my clients leaves a flashlight next to his computer monitor to remember to “put the light of reason on” when the darkness of stress takes over.

Don’t let stress take up space in your head. Slay it with reason. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. With more than 16 years of experience as a CEO of organizations with up to $26 million in assets, Mary Lee consults with businesses on strategy. She is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal urnaround came as a stay-at-home mother with four children under seven-years-old who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where she earned success to support her family. Services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Strategic Planning / Board Development / Healthcare / Public Relations / Goal Setting / Meeting Facilitation / Training / Leadership / Time Management / Life/Career Transition. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #48: The “Goals-to-Results-Now Worksheet”

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5 year plan, business coaching, executive coaching, Goals to results worksheet, making a 5 year plan, Mary Lee Gannon, measuring results, Pittsburgh, setting goals that get results, starting over, Starting Over - 25 Rules When You've Bottomed Out

365 Ways to Get Results: Day #48: The “Goals-to-Results-Now Worksheet”

How you are doing on your New Year’s Eve resolutions? Terrible? Most people find resolutions hard to keep. Why? Because they have no foundation to support your desired change in habit.

This year I gave my clients a “Goals-to-Results-Now Worksheet” and I am sharing it with you here free. This tool will give you a vision, a plan of action and results. At the end of this newsletter I will share with you the difference it has made in my life in just a few weeks. You may cut and paste this tool into a Word document to get started today or click on the link at the end of this blog for a free PDF version of the worksheet that allows you to pencil your plan into each section.

The Goals-to-Results-Now Worksheet

Answer these life-defining questions to create your plan with steps you can execute today.

1. What are 10 things I want to be?

2. What are 10 Things I want to do?

3. What are 10 things I want to have?

4. What are 10 Five-Year Goals that will help me accomplish questions #1 to #3? Make them SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results Oriented and Time Framed. Make them vibrant and heartfelt!

5. Now back into your goals by listing 10 One-Year Goals you have accomplished at the end of one year that got you on your way to your Five-Year Goals. Be sure to list these in the past tense such as “I have __________”

6. List five 30-Day Challenges you will start to get you closer to your one-year accomplishments? Ie: I will organize one part of my home for at least 30 minutes every day for 30 days.” or “I will do one thing every day to create buzz around my business such as creating a contest, posting on a forum, joining a Linked In group etc.”

Here are just a few ways this worksheet has made a difference in my life since I completed my 2012 version three weeks ago.

1. Under #1, I have written 40 pages of a new book for a Goals-to-Results Workshop I will offer this spring on “Creating a Vision and a Plan for Your Life or Business.”

2. Under #1, I wanted to tie up loose ends regarding fitness and health. I made an appointment with an eye surgeon to address a lazy eye issue that had been dogging me for a year to find that I don’t yet need surgery – just new glasses with prism.

3. Under #2, I wanted to volunteer somewhere purposeful and made a few calls. Last week the Small Business Administration called me to be a volunteer for their volunteer agency – SCORE with the first meeting in February.

4. Under #5, I have changed the focus of my website to be more Goals-to-Results oriented as opposed to starting over oriented as my coaching practice is more focused on small business and leadership.

5. Under #6, I have engaged Constant Contact as a tool to create this newsletter and build my email list.

6. Under #9, I am working on my 30-Day Challenge of organizing and purging a particular section of my home just about every day. Since I began I have cleaned out closets, the disarray under my bed, my garage, the laundry room and more. I’ve kept it up for 11 days.

These are just a few examples of the many things I have accomplished in just a few weeks using this Goals-to-Results Worksheet. It’s hard to get going when you aren’t sure where you want to be. Use this tool to open the vision for purposeful work, personal life and fulfillment with a Goals-to-Results strategy. Start now!

Click for the link to the PDF version of The Goals-to-Results-Now Worksheet.

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. Mary Lee is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked to the level of CEO. Services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Strategic Planning / Board Development / Healthcare / Public Relations / Goal Setting / Meeting Facilitation / Acountability / Leadership / Time Management / Life/Career Transition. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #46 – Dealing with Emotions When Leading a Meeting

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business coaching, dealing with emotions when leading a meeting, executive coaching, how to manage an emotional meeting, managing emotions, Mary Lee Gannon, meeting facilitation, meeting ground rules, Pittsburgh

365 Ways to Get Results: Day #46 – Dealing with Emotions When Leading a Meeting

As the leader of a meeting, organization, committee or project team one of your challenges, especially when dealing with a heated issue, is to be able to channel the emotions that may arise into a productive entity for the group. When an emotion is expressed you must help the person who is expressing the emotion identify the emotion and its source. Then facilitate a discussion that leads them to express the emotion in a way that contributes to – rather than detracts from – group goals and effectiveness.

Now this does not mean that you become the group therapist. On the contrary. The purpose of addressing emotions appropriately is to help the group become more effective at working together. Not to alter people’s personality traits. Remember this is all about group effectiveness – not conscience or winning and losing.

Why do we get overly emotional?

Emotions are an important part of data collection on a project. They help people inform each other. When your emotions and thoughts work together you respond more effectively. Emotions often erupt around feelings of fear, threat, guilt, shame, and anger. Situations may drive higher emotions such as a difficult subject being discussed, unrealistic expectations, the triggering of past emotional experience, or the diverse culture of a group.

There is a physiological reason why sometimes people act out without thinking – react instead of respond. The brain has two mechanisms in dealing with emotions – the neocortex and the amygdala. The neocortex helps you to reason what your eyes, ears and other senses take in. The amygdala determines whether or not the situation is potentially threatening. The response is quick, exact and sloppy often referred to by the clichés of “flying off the handle” or “engaging mouth before engaging brain.”

Two Ways People Express Emotions

People express their emotions in two ways: directly and indirectly.

Directly: An expression of direct emotions might be, “I am angry with you.” or “You promised one thing and then went back on your word.”

Indirectly: People express indirect emotions in two ways: verbally and nonverbally. An example of indirect verbal expression might be yelling, changing tone of voice, repeating a point, verbal attacks, changing of position when accused. An example of nonverbal indirect expression might be dirty looks, crossed arms, negative body language or sighing. One person’s outburst may infer frustration while another’s may infer fear. Therefore you cannot interpret a person’s emotions from their behavior.

When emotions are intense, it is very difficult for the group or comprehend the root of the problem. It is the leader’s job to facilitate a discussion that will eliminate any defensive or offensive posturing.

How to Lead an Emotional Group to Effectiveness

First – Manage Yourself:

1. Slow yourself down. Do not intervene right away until you are able to respond in a responsible way without emotion. Breath slowly. Take a deep breath and release it slowly.

2. Be curious and compassionate to your own emotions. Recognize that you are a learner here as well. Identify how you are feeling. You may feel afraid, nervous, scrutinized, stressed. Boot out the judgmental voice. No judgment allowed. Name your emotions. Ask yourself what you are angry about, or fear?

3. Ask yourself what is triggering the emotion. Ask yourself if an emotion you are feeling has surfaced in other situations. Ask yourself if your own behavior is appropriate for the current situation. If you have overreacted, apologize and let the group know that your own emotions have clouded your judgment.

4. Remind yourself of your skills. You read and study better ways to facilitate groups with ground rules and facilitation skills. You are prepared to handle whatever arises. Remember that.

Second – Intervene

1. Don’t shy away from the conflict. When you sense conflict in a group it may be the gift that will bring the group together. It is a golden moment when the stakes are high and everyone is engaged.

2. Name the emotions and their source as they evolve. Someone in your group may say, “The finance department just cuts budgets without caring about what we have to deal with on the front line.” to which you might say, “Nancy, you are pointing your finger and sound angry. Is that right?” If she agrees you might say,” “It’s important for the group to understand what you are angry about. Do you feel comfortable sharing what happened that led you to feel angry about this.”

3. Ask the group for their permission to intervene. Here is where you will request buy-in from the group before your intervention so that they are aware that you are being strategic in your facilitation. Remind the group of the core values of the organization and the meeting ground rules.

4. Break down the issue so that they are not one-dimensional. Often the person who is emotional is seeing the issue from their perspective but not in terms of how it affects other people or departments. And the accused party may only be focused on defending their position and the needs of their department. Use your objectivity to list all of the issues.

5. Get curious and compassionate. Ask permission to ask each person in the dynamic, “When you got (feeling), what was your intent?” The answer to this will be an eye opener for the other party. They probably had no idea what the fears, anxieties or concerns really were on the other side.

6. Ask each party, “What did you hear when this emotion was expressed?” Most likely the response will not be what the emotional person intended. People are starting to realize that what is conveyed in an emotional outburst is not always what was intended. And they deduce not to interpret emotional behavior at face value.

7. Ask each party, “What did you think was inferred and do you actually understand now?” The group begins to see that defensive posturing and offensive attacks don’t lead to progressive outcomes for the group or for the individuals in the dynamic.

8. Celebrate the group’s heightened effectiveness from curiosity and compassion by compiling a list of what was learned from each participant. This list could first be written on individual post-it notes and compiled as a “Group Memory” statement. Or called out in an oral discussion and listed on a board. Honor your achievements!

Effectively dealing with emotions means showing the group how to use emotions to better inform each other rather than avoiding conversations or allowing emotions to drive the project to a brick wall. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. Mary Lee is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked to the level of CEO. Services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Life, Organization and Career Transition / Strategic Direction / Leadership / Time Management / Divorce / Productivity / Relationship Shift / Purpose. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #44 – Four Goal Setting Strategies That Rock

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5 and 10 year plan, business coaching, creating goals and a plan, divorce coach, executive coach, Goal setting, goal setting for a 5 year plan, goal setting for business, how to set goals, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, productivity expert, setting SMART goals, starting over

365 Ways to Get Results – Day #44 – Four Goal Setting Strategies That Rock

We all know that setting goals is the first step to achieving them. So why do we hate to do it? Because we might fail. Or worse yet, we don’t know what we want to get us started – even more frustrating. In order to plan for tomorrow, neat year, 5 years or 10 years from now you need a strategy to keep you on course. A plan will have goals. And the goals should stretch you, invigorate you and drive home your purpose. Studies support a linear relationship between the difficulty of a goal and performance. As a goal becomes harder to attain, performance increases, providing the goal is SMART.

1. First Make Your Goals SMART
Understand the principals of SMART goals – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely. These goals are so concrete you can’t mistake them. Often we don’t set SMART goals but if you understand the acronym SMART and follow it you have a blueprint for success. For example, a SMART goal would not be, “I am going to quit work and start my own business.” A SMART goal would be, “I am going to define my values and strengths today to help focus my area of interest. By Friday I will define my niche market by analyzing 20 business Web sites of competitors in various niches.”

2. Back Into Your Goals
Back into your goals to execute them. By that I mean ask yourself if you had already achieved the goal, “What would I have been doing just before that point?” Write down exactly what happened the week before you achieved this goal. What were you working on? Write down what you were doing one month before. Three months before. This is your plan of action. Make it concrete with specific steps that follow the SMART standard.

3. Set Heartfelt Goals
The goals that you are working on should serve the greater good and not just you or your team. The steps you are taking will serve you and your team automatically when they make the world a better place, rock someone else’s world or blow the roof off someone’s expectations. Goals that are financially based with disregard the greater human good will only serve a short term strategy. They are not a long term solution. Companies such as Zappos and Google are focused on the customer experience. Yet their profits are soaring. Entice people to push through limitations for a purpose.

4. Make the Goals Vibrant
Sticking to the exercise of setting and modifying goals is arduous, tedious and hardly fun unless you are energized by the feeling you will have with the results. Include imagery in your goals not only to inspire your team but so that you may foresee any challenges that may arise along the way. Tell a story. Ask your team to describe a scenario of what it will be like when this goal is reached. Who will be doing what? What will it feel like? Who else will be affected? What will it sound like? Smell like? Taste like?

As a leader, you are the one to take charge of the goal setting process. You hold yourself and your team accountable. It is hard to be accountable if the metric for success is not concrete. Following these four simple rules will set you on a course to fulfillment. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. Mary Lee is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked to the level of CEO. Mary Lee’s services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Life, Organization and Career Transition / Strategic Direction / Leadership / Time Management / Divorce / Productivity / Relationship Shift / Purpose. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #39 – Create Your Purpose from the “End of the List”

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business coaching, Creating a Life Plan, creating solutions, executive coaching, finding life purpose, finding love, finding my purpose, idea generation, life coaching, making changes, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, problem solving, starting over, Starting Over - 25 Rules When You've Bottomed Out, starting over again, starting over in life

365 Ways to Start Over: Day #39 – Create Your Purpose from the “End of the List”

If you want to change some things in your life you have to change some things in your life. Start by changing the way you look at your challenges. Use creative thinking to make a long list of possible solutions to your challenges and then critical thinking to narrow down the most effective ideas. You can apply this to problem solving in business, defining your life purpose, finding love, team building around an issue and much more.

The List that Rocks!

Creative Thinking:

1. Make a long and extensive list of every single possible crazy wild idea that describes “WHAT SUCCESS LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE” as it relates to your dilemma. No judgments. No closed off thinking. No “I can’t becauses.” Come up with at least 50 solutions. Cluster these into theme areas and combine.

2. After this list is created – keep going. Throw out the most outlandish ideas you can think of. This “End of the List” list is where revolutions are made, new industries are created and wild ideas become things like Facebook, Groupon and iPad. Empty your mind for unless it is emptied, it cannot be filled with new thoughts.

Critical Thinking:

3. So what is the real question you need to have answered? Do not let your mind wonder to solutions. Just define the question. Is this question different than you originally thought?

4. Generate useful answers by narrowing down your list. Prune down the ideas from numbers 1 and 2 in this exercise to uncover the most effective solution to answer your question from number 3.

Lists help you realize things that lie beneath the surface and un-vetted. Create your lists without inhibition and watch your possibilities take off. Start now!

Visit Mary Lee’s web site with more free information on meetings and leadership at www.startingovernow.com.

Receive these 365 Ways to Start Over updates when they are released by clicking the “Sign me up!” button on the right of this page. Or subscibe to the RSS Feed on the “Posts” button on the top right of this page.

Get Mary Lee’s articles SMART Goals – Make a 5 and 10 Year Career Plan and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken.

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com and Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #39 – Listen to the Silence

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365 Ways to Start Over, business coaching, executive coaching, finding peace, life transition coaching, listen to the silence, Mary Lee Gannon, overcoming anxiety, Pittsburgh, starting over, work life balance coaching

365 Ways to Start Over: Day #39 – Listen to the Silence

Every day is full of noise. You have external noise – the chatter of people, traffic, planes trains, music, animals, industry. And you have internal noise – your own headtrash telling you to worry, feel guilty, get busy, relax, exercise, volunteer, forgive, forget, get more, let go.

When do you actually sit alone in a place without any visual or auditory distractions and calm your mind enough to hear nothing but silence? It’s difficult to do. Try it – for 15 minutes. Then listen to what comes your way.

If after you have found a quiet place any internal headtrash invades your peace, sweep it away. Allow only silence and nature to penetrate your mind. Hear what you haven’t heard before? What are you called to? What are the new possibilities? What is the wisdom? Start now!

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Get Mary Lee’s articles Strengths – Free Tools to Help You Define Them and Values – How to Define Them and Live Fulfilled.

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com and Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #37 – The Boundaries Are Yours to Draw – What is One Thing You Can Do Today?

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better boundaries, business coaching, executive coaching, getting unstuck, how to overcome emotional pain, life coach, life transition, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, starting over, starting over after divorce, starting over again, starting over expert, work/life balance

Day #37 – The Boundaries Are Yours to Draw – What is One Thing You Can Do Today?

People fear three things in life – death, pain and abandonment. Most emotional pain comes from the fear of being alone. Anger, resentment, frustration, being let down, and hurt all come from the worry of having no one on whom you can rely and trust. In an extreme case you sense as if the people you love have forsaken you. You may believe you have few, if any options, and have no way out. This paralyzes you from taking action that moves you forward.

There is no wonder why you feel trapped by the despair of these feelings – because to undo them relies on someone other than yourself to remedy your pain. And that is completely outside of your influence – even more frustrating.

As loving people we give love and receive love with a childlike openness and vulnerability that often is not reciprocated on our terms. Then when we experience hurt or are let down by someone we often shut off our ability to love because the pain associated with the risk of having our heart injured is too great. This results in an overall numbness to all emotions – even joy. Not healthy.

How do you take back the control of you own inner peace? Establish boundaries on your terms and no one else’s. When you give of yourself, give for the joy of giving with no expectation of anything in return for that is what it is to have an open heart. If giving that way brings you positive emotions such as joy, fulfillment and happiness then continuing to do so will generally further these emotions. If you find that giving of yourself brings you negative emotions such as disappointment, sorrow, resentment, and despair then you need to define a self preserving boundary and change your own behavior – not wait for someone else to change theirs in order for you to feel happy. You might consider changing your availability to that person, have an honest discussion about your feelings with them, or offer your energy in another direction until you see things more clearly. Basically you are defining the scope of what is healthy and not healthy for you. Awaiting someone else to meet your needs is not the answer. Your behavior will tell them what they need to do to gain your respect. If they don’t want your respect, you’ll know that by their reaction.

When you feel trapped in the head trash of your own negative emotions and feel as if there is no way to escape them define one simple thing that YOU can do today that will take you one step closer to peace. Just one thing. You might call a friend, update your resume, get expert advice, research something online. Then tomorrow take one more active step in a similar direction. This way you will start to take back ownership of your own destiny and not feel as if the boundary of your happiness is outside of your control. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Fundraising Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #36: Don’t Get Lost in “Or So It Seemed…”

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accpeting reality, business coaching, Dont get lost in the past, executive coaching, get unstuck, how to forget the past, life transition coaching, Mary Lee Gannon, moving on, Overcoming Adversity, overcoming bad memories, Pittsburgh, Starting Over - 25 Rules When You've Bottomed Out

365 Ways to Start Over: Day #36 – Don’t Get Lost in “Or so it seemed…”

Do you find that sometimes you get lost in memories of the past? Those memories are so rewardingly vivid that you long to have them back in real time. You can feel the tranquility or the continuity of a “better” era. And the present seems to pale in comparison to it. Of course it does. It always will – because you are focused on comparing your perception of history to today.

Your past experiences are what molds your character and forms your personality. The challenges and the good fortune that have come your way both tangibly and intangibly try your patience and test your values. How you deal with joy and pain is what shapes who you become.

In my experience having coached a number of people experiencing life transition, unless someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, most of the time getting stuck on the past is due to a skewed vision of what was really going on.

Four Question Reality Check About the Past:

1.) What about this memory do I truly miss? Is it the person? Or is it the perception of how I saw that person at the time. Is it that I was living my dream? Or was the vision of my dream what I was focused on perhaps at the exclusion of reality?

2.) What one thing was I able to contribute to my fulfillment then that I still have to contribute now. Are you able to laugh at yourself? Do you have an open heart? Do you have incredible passion for the things you love? Are you able to motivate yourself and others to take action?

3.) What is the one pearl of wisdom you would share with others about what you have learned? Write it down. Post this where you will see it every day to remind yourself how far you have come and how you want to live today and tomorrow.

4.) Five years from now, where do you want to be? This is where your dreams and joy coincide. Not in mourning a loss of the past. Many things about the past may have been fulfilling. But there is nothing there but wisdom that will bring you fulfillment for today and tomorrow.

You can’t create new dreams while you are mourning lost dreams of the past. Embrace them. Learn from them. And plan how you will apply what you have learned from them to create your dream for today. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Fundraising Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #35 – Don’t Let Go of the Handle Bars, Get Off the Bike

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business coaching, choosing the right activities, don't be mediocre, executive coaching, executive coaching for teaching compassion, focus on your strengths, how not to fail, how to become an expert, how to increase productivity, How to Succeed, Mary Lee Gannon, Overcoming Adversity, overcoming challenges, Pittsburgh

365 Ways to Start Over: Day #35 – Don’t Let Go of the Handle Bars, Get Off the Bike

When I was young I was never the most coordinated kid in the neighborhood. My friends could skip two ropes at a time, do splits, ride a bike with no hands, and touch their palms to the ground when I couldn’t even touch my toes. That was ok with me because I was a fast swimmer – an activity that required discipline, endurance and strength all of which I could build with practice. No matter how many times I tried to touch my toes I never got better at it. But if I practiced swimming, I improved. I chose the stroke nobody wanted to do because I stood a better chance of winning. I was eventually voted captain of the team and a leader at butterfly.

The truth is that some of my friends on the swim team never really improved at the pace of others no matter how much they practiced the strokes. This was hard for many of their parents to realize. For some kids it was more rewarding to practice the agility activities of gymnastics, cheerleading, and dancing. For others it was more gratifying to excel at debate, chess or analytical problem solving.

The lesson in all of this is to focus on your strengths and chose activities where you can play to your strengths. If you are going to take risks, take them in an area where you are already a star. What’s the worst that can happen? You fail? Failure holds lessons. Fail early and start something new by applying your strengths with what you have learned. Why work on the things at which you can only achieve mediocrity? If you get better at them you will only be a little better than mediocre. If you focus on things at which you truly excel, you will lead and shine.

If you can’t become an expert at what you are doing, switch to something at which you can apply your strengths. If you don’t know what your strengths are, start by making a list of all the things you enjoyed as a child. Then add what you would do if you had four hours to yourself and how you dealt with the most difficult challenge in your life.

So don’t let go of the handle bars if you are not a strong cycler. Get off the bike and onto something better. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #34 – Don’t Say What You Don’t Want

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acquiring good luck, being positive, business coaching, executive coaching, Gannon Group, getting what you want, law of attraction, Mary Lee Gannon, Overcoming Adversity, starting over, starting over now

365 Ways to Start Over: Day #34 – Don’t Say What You Don’t Want

We attract what we think. When we think something often enough we begin to say it as well. Then it becomes inevitable that what we say starts to actually happen. Make sure what you say is what you want. And don’t say what you don’t want.

Think of the last time you complained about something. Did it seem as if what you were complaining about kept showing up? Did you ever hear yourself saying, “Why does this bad stuff always keep happening to me” only to find that your bad luck continued? When you want to lose weight do you find yourself perseverating on being “fat?”

Do you ever hear yourself pointing out negative behavior in a child or a friend? “Your room is a mess.” “You’re making a bad choice again.” “If you don’t work harder you’ll never get anywhere.” They hear, “You’re a mess.” “You have bad judgment.” And “You’re lazy and will end up a looser.”

The next time that you feel as if you are the victim of a negative situation say, “Now it’s time for good things to come my way.” Or when you feel a craving to eat something that has more calories than necessary say to yourself, “I am thin.” And I bet you will pass on the indulgence.

Tell others, “Your bedroom will be beautiful and you’ll find the things you need so easily after it is organized.” “How would you apply your good judgment to tackle this problem?” And “I can see you someday as a leader in business with the skills to get anything done that you wish.”

Say what you want and it will happen. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – an executive coaching and consulting firm that produces higher individual and organizational performance through Executive Leadership Coaching, Fundraising Coaching, Organizational Development, Board Retreats, Visioning, and Planning. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked up to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.