#60: Accept This Moment as It Is

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anger management, business coach, executive coach, executive leadership training, face you fears, life coach, managing anger, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, step into your anger

365 Ways to Get Results: #60: Accept This Moment as It Is

Every moment we spend in judgment is a moment in which we are disconnected from compassion and appreciation. Accepting life as it IS is an art in itself. Accepting is not resisting, but flowing with it which sometimes takes courage.

What You Resist Persists

How true. Surely you notice that issues of concern and discord in your life continue to present themselves in the same way over and over again. The more you think about something in a certain way, the more you attract it. This is natural law.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Most organized religions teach their followers to accept God’s will. There is a reason for that – it’s just plain foolish to believe that you can change things that are outside of your control. Yet we focus on them as if worry and anxiety will alter the outcome. Both are wasted sentiments. Life’s lessons will unfold before you if as the student you allow yourself to see past the circumstance that frustrates you and onto the opportunity that lies past it. This requires calmness and self-reflection. Life is more than solving self-created problems. How do you find time to ask the really important questions when you are focused on the small stuff?

To live in the moment you must master the art of letting go of anger – especially in a heated moment. Just be. This is a hard thing to do when a lighting of anger grips you in a flash and you feel hot and as if your nervous system is sounding sirens and flashing red lights that scream, “This isn’t fair!” The good news is that energy is palpable and your signal that it’s time to do something different. Don’t fight your anger, just observe it as it unfolds – like you watch waves rise and fall with the tide. Someone hurts you or challenges you and there is much lightening in that sky over the sea. You don’t understand it so you are afraid.

When anger is there, keep observing and listening to its sounds pierce the peace of your existence. Step into the fury of the storm as an observer not as the driver of it – don’t resist it in fear. The moment the observer enters the fury (not needing to control it), anger has already started becoming cool. You realize that the lightening may be flickering across the sky but you determine if it has heat or not. And at the moment you feel it is no longer hot, you have distanced yourself from the anger. You have let go of fear. It may be there but you feel unidentified with it. You are on a safe cliff high above where the lightning strikes the sea.

At this moment you understand that the heat is given by you; it is your identification that makes it hot, and the moment you feel it is not hot, the fear is gone, and you feel that a distance is created. In this distance lightning flashes around you, but you are not it. The identity has been broken, and the moment the identity breaks, immediately the whole hot process becomes cool. Here anger transforms into curiosity and compassion. You are neutral and much more effective.

When you are at peace in the moment there is no room for ego. Ego only brings with it hurt, hatred, jealousy and a myriad of negative emotions. The journey to accepting the moment takes practice and will be arduous. When the ego asserts itself, just observe. Don’t become angry. You are not anger. Be the observer of anger. Don’t react to the word or insult of another person, pause and respond from a point of freedom in the moment. That is grace. And it will bring you joy. Start now!

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em>Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. With more than 16 years of experience as a CEO of organizations with up to $26 million in assets, Mary Lee consults with businesses on strategy. She is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal urnaround came as a stay-at-home mother with four children under seven-years-old who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where she earned success to support her family. Services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Strategic Planning / Board Development / Healthcare / Public Relations / Goal Setting / Meeting Facilitation / Training / Leadership / Time Management / Life/Career Transition. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #57: Rid Your Fears Before It Costs You Dearly

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business coach, executive coach, how do I stop being afraid, how to get rid of fear, I am afraid, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, releasing fear, starting over now

365 Ways to Get Results: Day #57- Rid Your Fears Before It Costs You Dearly

Fear. It cripples communication. It manipulates relationships. It halts progress. It stifles frank feedback. It turns otherwise kind and gentle people into angry souls. It impedes forward movement within organizations. It is the single greatest issue that keeps people from what they truly want – loving relationships, achievement, peace, a sense of belonging, financial success and a sense of purpose.

Fear is the reason otherwise intelligent individuals hear constructive criticism and feel threatened. Fear transforms well healed organizations into cultures that breed passive aggressiveness, bureaucracy, and cynicism. Fear prods people who want the richness of intimacy to detach in exchange for distanced mediocrity. It triggers people to hold onto ailments, a tired opinion, complaints and the past as opposed to letting go for new opportunities.

Most people fear three basic things in life: pain, death and abandonment. Most of the reactive bad behavior in the world is a result of the fear of abandonment. It manifests itself in a feeling of rejection and not fitting in. It reveals anger and detachment when control is lost. It is why some people enable others, stay in bad relationships, and reject change. Many times your fear is not reality.

To rid yourself of fears – start by understanding them before you react badly. Most fears are really an anxiety of a perceived fear. Comprehensively map out your fears (and the fears behind the fears.) Do you fear disappointing others? If you disappointed someone, how would they perceive you? Do you fear being overwhelmed? If you became overwhelmed what would happen next? Do you fear public speaking? What would happen if you gave a speech that people didn’t like?

Your fears will lose power by acknowledging them because then they no longer seem like an outside influence – but an internal part of you. And you will realize your fears are unlikely to occur anyway. They are just a protection mechanism – you manifesting anxiety to protect yourself from a perceived fear.

You can rationalize through fear issues by way of internal dialogue. Ask yourself, what is the actual chance that your fear will happen? What percentage of the time is that likely to occur? How likely is it that you will disappoint someone? What is the likelihood that you will give a bad speech if you are prepared? The percentage of likelihood is generally very low.

Discuss your realization with others. This will further imbed what you are learning in your mind.

Don’t let fear cripple your goals. Hold yourself accountable to a friend for your progress on your fears. Watch how it frees you to enjoy new opportunities. Start now!

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em>Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. With more than 16 years of experience as a CEO of organizations with up to $26 million in assets, Mary Lee consults with businesses on strategy. She is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal urnaround came as a stay-at-home mother with four children under seven-years-old who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where she earned success to support her family. Services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Strategic Planning / Board Development / Healthcare / Public Relations / Goal Setting / Meeting Facilitation / Training / Leadership / Time Management / Life/Career Transition. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.

Day #55: Release Your Charm – What Do You Radiate?

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be more effective, business coach, how to be charming, how to make her fall in love with you, how to make him fall in love with you, how to release your charm, lead others to follow you, life coach, Mary Lee Gannon, Pittsburgh, starting over

365 Ways to Get Results: Release Your Charm – What Do You Radiate?

Think of the people with whom you are drawn to spend time. Think of the people you admire either in history or in present day. Think of the people you love. What qualities do they have that draw you to them? Is it that they are gracious, loving, courageous, effective, influential, and compassionate? Are they confident, considerate, optimistic, vibrant, fun, competent, self-disciplined?

Conversely, think about what others see when they think of you. Do you radiate an image analogous to those that you admire? Do you have those virtuous qualities that you admire in others? Or do you work hard at projecting that image when deep down authentically you have fears that keep you from being that which you admire.

All of the positive qualities that you regard in other people are motivated by their sincere desire to make a meaningful difference in the areas they value. This is what makes them endearing. You trust them because what they say and what they do are congruent. If you think you are one way and behave in a different way the dissonance can lead to a sense of unsettledness and lack of trust from others.

Thus if you don’t trust yourself to consistently behave in a manner that you admire and others don’t trust that either, you are probably radiating inconsistencies that have left you less effective than you want to be. Fulfillment and effectiveness come from a solid groundedness – a confidence that is unwavering and consistent. The magic of that allure will resonate in you and attract others with its appeal.

How to Release Your Charm

1. Observe you own behavior. Notice how others react to you. What is it that triggers a negative reaction from others? What do others do that triggers a negative reaction form you? When are you at your best and at your worst?

2. Disregard what you think of your own behavior, listen to others. Ask people you trust to give you feedback on how you behave in the areas you admire in others. If they won’t tell you directly, read their body language. Notice their dedication and loyalty. Are you not a good listener? Are you judgmental? Do you need to be right? Do you talk too much? Do you show these negative traits to some and not others?

3. Put People at Ease. Great leaders have the ability to put people at ease. Ronald Regan had this quality. John F. Kennedy had this quality. Mohatma Gandhi had this quality. You may not always agree with someone, but if they respect you for your sincere steadfastness and grace, you will win at least their ear and probably their loyalty.

4. Dispel your fears by facing them. In order to genuinely put people at ease you must identify and dispel whatever fear is in the way of your own consistent conduct. All bad behaviors stems from the root of fear. Know what your fears are. Know what triggers them.

5. Identify what others fear and show them they need not fear it in you. If you are dealing with someone who feels threatened by you, show them that you have their back. If you are in love with someone who feels rejected by something you are doing, would you behave defensively if you realized all they needed was simple reassurance? Think of how simple life would be if you could eliminate conflict with charm.

The greatest pathway to effectiveness is noticing your own blind spots. People tend to rate their own sensitivity, skills and traits higher than they actually are. There is a fine line between logic and emotion. Emotion is what motivates action. It will beat logic every time. Keep your emotion in check by understanding your triggers, fears, the fears of others and prioritizing your own ability to set people at ease. Then logic will follow and so will others. Start now!

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Mary Lee Gannon is the president of StartingOverNow.com – Leading Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations. With more than 16 years of experience as a CEO of organizations with up to $26 million in assets, Mary Lee consults with businesses on strategy. She is a graduate of The Duquesne University Professional Coaching Program and an alumnus of the 2010 Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital Coaching in Medicine & Leadership Conference. Her personal urnaround came as a stay-at-home mother with four children under seven-years-old who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from where she earned success to support her family. Services include: Workshops, Meeting Facilitation, Coaching, Webinars, Speaking and Management Consulting. Areas of Specialty: Strategic Planning / Board Development / Healthcare / Public Relations / Goal Setting / Meeting Facilitation / Training / Leadership / Time Management / Life/Career Transition. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.