being happy, being proactive, being treated fairly, executive coaching, executive coaching for difficult situations, executive coaching for teaching compassion, how to be happy, How to Build Confidence, how to get unstuck, how to get what you want, how to have a positive attitude, Mary Lee Gannon
365 Ways to Start Over: Day #2 – Being Treated Unfairly? Assume Nothing.
Ever find that you are being treated unfairly? My question is this: Are you REALLY being treated unfairly or is that your assumption? Our perception is ours to own but may not be reality. To focus on it pushes us to perseverate on feeling disempowered instead of opening our minds to how we may be proactive.
When Life Doesn’t Seem Fair:
1. Use only “I” statements and not “he” or “she” statements to describe what is going on. “I am noticing that this person is ignoring me. I wonder what her perception is of me. I wonder what I could have done to make her assume that. I wonder what I can do now to alter that perception.” NOT: “He never treats me fairly. He has favorites and they always get all the perks. He is overrated.”
2. Be “curious” and “compassionate” to the other individual. What is she afraid of that prompts her to act this way? If she fears that I am not respecting her and this makes her look incompetent then maybe I can validate her with a genuine compliment. If he fears that I am not doing my job and that reflects poorly on him then maybe I need to inform him of the measurable accomplishments I have contributed to the team and ask what else I can do to help.
3. Envision the other party as a seven-year-old child. What would you do differently if this person who has been treating you unfairly was a child? This person may be thinking like a child if he is behaving badly toward you. What can you do to calm her inner child?
Make no assumptions about what others think. Indeed, you may be being treated unfairly, but to focus on what others think renders you powerless. Most likely you will be too focused on feeling personally assaulted which leaves you feeling victimized. You can only control what you think. Concentrate on what pro-active measures you can take to bring peace to the situation for yourself and the other party.
Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group – a full service executive coaching, training and consulting firm that provides productivity strategies for people and organizations by improving team performance, executive leadership skills, board performance, planning and project execution. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club life to public assistance from here within a short time she worked out of that to the level of CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” on her web site at http://www.StartingOverNow.com.